WSER SASSY ENTERTAINMENT RADIO

Dear SassyScribe:

I hope you can help me. Last night I dreamed that I was making love to a woman. It was vivid in my mind. I don't know what it means. I am a single woman. I love men I do but this dream has me wondering if maybe I should explore something else. This dream woke me up because I climaxed in my sleep and woke up drenched in my own sweat. It was the hottest dream I have ever had in my 37 years. I don't know what to do. I can't tell my girlfriends because they would think it strange or gay of me to feel like that. I know they would ask question and want to know why I would have a dream like that. I can't explain anything to them because I am struggling to understand it myself. I have always had a slight attraction to women, but I have never acted on it. I never wanted to admit that having sex with a woman turned me on. I am so confused. Am I gay or bi. I don't know. Help me.

Dreaming of Women
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Dear Dreaming:

I wouldn't say that you are gay, bisexual yes, but even to some bisexual is gay. Although I am not a licensed individual to give you a medical diagnosis for your dream, I can say logically, that its natural to have dreams of this nature. Maybe its your subconscious telling you that you want to experiment with women and this is the only way you know how to express yourself. You said yourself that there has always been an attraction to women, so maybe your dream wants to manifest itself to real life. Maybe you really want to do this, but because of the pressures from society and that of family and friends you are holding back. Or maybe, just maybe, its just what it is...a dream.

Some may not agree with me, but I know as a woman the older we get, the more comfortable we are with sex and ourselves. We are not afraid to go and get what we want sexually, and if that means you must experiment, then so be it. Remember no one has to know about this but you. Its your own personal business as to whether or not you choose to move forward or not on this situation.

I say, do what you feel comfortable doing. Will being with another woman appease your curiosity or will it make you ashamed. For some, same sex intimacy is still tabu, but regardless of what I or anyone may say, the final decision is yours.

Don't be ashamed of your dreams for its our subconscious that often reveals our true thoughts and feelings.

I hope this helps you...keep me posted.

SassyScribe

Dear Sassy,
I have a problem. I am married, with three children, and consider myself a Christian. My husband and I are going through problems and we have sought counseling with our pastor. We have been in counseling for the past year, and for the past three months I have been sleeping with the pastor that is counseling us. It started out innocently enough when the pastor asked to see each of us alone. It was at the second meeting when the pastor and I became close. What started as an innocent hug as gone further. We make up excuses to see one another by scheduling extra "counseling" sessions. I don't know if its love, more than likely its lust, but I am thinking of leaving my husband because she fulfills me more than he does. Yes I said she, my pastor is female. We connect on a very different level and the vibe between us is strong. We both talk about leaving our spouses but know that it would negatively affect our family and her especially as a pastor. We have even talked of breaking it off but dont have the will to do so. What should we do?

Upset in the West
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Dear Upset in the West:

Talk about a sin and shame. As I read your letter, I am shaking my head. You are and your pastor are having an illicit affair under the guise of "counseling sessions". I should say that I am appalled and surprise, but I'm not. Church in my estimation can be full of individuals that are rife with the devil. I know that we are all on a journey of learning to walk in the RIGHT path, but the both of you have taken the wrong fork in the road. I know that flesh can be weak and temptations are put before us, but as a married woman and she as a pastor, you both should've stopped before anything had happened. This affair is no different than that of a new relationship. All new sex is good sex and you at this point are only thinking of the sex that the two of you have and nothing else. When the sex is good it can blind us to what is really the truth of the situation. Its just sex. Both of you are married. You could've sought the services of one of the assistant pastors, rather than carry on as you are. I am glad to see she is "ministering" out west and not in my church, but hey you never know what goes on. I say to you, cease with the affair immediately, and cut off all communication with this woman. Your problem is going to be telling your husband why you have to stop counseling. More than likely you will have to move to a new church home. I wonder how your husband will take that news. You failed to state what you and your husband were seeking counseling for, but YOU have created another issue within your marriage that crosses the boundaries of trust...as Steve Harvey states, the answer to your problem lies in the end of the letter. All I can do is advise you of the right thing to do, which isn't always the easiet thing to do.

I wish you luck and hope that you will keep me posted with the result.

SassyScribe

Dear Sassy:
I am 45yo married woman and I have a major crisis on my hands. My problem is that I am not happy with the sex my husband is giving me right now. Five years ago our sex was hot and heavy, but now he is like a won hit wonder. Once he cums it takes him at least forty five minutes to an hour to get hard again. Its not like he has ever been considerate enough to make sure I cum first at least once, but now its really beginning to irrtate me and I don't know what to do. I try everything that I can know in my powers to help him get it up, but nothing helps. I talk to my friends and they say that women reach their sexual peake in their late thirties and beyond and his peak is gone. One of my girlfriends told me to get some young action on the side, but the thought of cheating doesn't appeal to me. I love this man, but his sex is so weak and it never used to be like that. I need your help? What should I do?

On My Peak Off His Peak
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Dear OMP/OHP:
LOL...I am not laughing at you, but your story is very familiar to what myself and other women OUR age have experienced with men our age. Your friends were 100% correct in telling you that women reach their sexual peak now and men had theirs in their twenties. That is not to say that some [older] men don't have the staying power, stamina and/or come back like that of a young buck, but the majority of them don't. What I don't understand is your sentence "Its not like he has ever been considerate enough to make sure I cum first at least once" How could you let this go on if he is selfish enough to not consider your pleasure? That makes me angry! Draw the brother a map or something telling him what it is you need to get release. It sounds as if once he cums, you are left totally unfulfilled, which is just plain wrong. I find it incredible that in this day and time of enlightenment couples are still finding it hard to communite their wants, desires, and needs of the bedroom to their partners.

Don't listen to your friends and cheat, that is wrong. Rather talk to your husband, tell him of your disappointment and take it from there. Maybe you should take it slow, enjoy more foreplay with one another, make a game of it where the first one cums looses and the penalty has to be something that you know he will abhor. You set the pace for him...you set the pace for both of you.

Should this behavior continue, I suggest couples counseling and/or a sex or relationship therapist.

Good luck!

SassyScribe

Dear Sassy:
I want to thank you for your site. It gives me some information that I need but you don't have anything on here about this. I have a boyfriedn he isn't my boyfriend but we hang out alot and all and it is physical. Sometimes I think he is seeing another chick but I don't have proof. Its a fealling, and if I call him and he doesn't answer his phone and he doesn't call me for a couple of days I thinnk he is with someone else. The problem is I am afraid to ask him and he won't tell me even if I did ask him. Is it okay for me to want to aks him where he went and why he didn't answer his phone? I think he is hiding something and I don't know what to do.

Dear Don't Ask Don't Tell:
Well I am slightly confused as to your terminology...is he a friend, a boyfriend, or a friend with benefits? Do you just hang out and thats it? I mean I need to know more, but to make this short, it sounds as if you are liking someone a little more than they like you. Hence the issues you have when he doesn't answer his phone etc...if there is no agreement and/or stated phrases from him actually identifying you has his girl/woman/lady, then you are just friends. He may be hiding something, but at this point, its his business. I would say never ask a question that you are not prepared to hear the answer to. What if he says he was out with another woman, you will be devasted and feel betrayed and honestly, will not have the right to feel betrayed, because you are just friends. The first thing I have to say is - STOP SLEEPING WITH HIM! That is the main thing that YOU need to do, because sometimes sex can and has confused the issue. You are now initimate with a man that you are unsure of and that you really don't know...let him go, I know its hard, but let him go and move on. Don't ask him a thing about who/what/when/where when he is not with you and let him live his life and you live yours.

Please email me to keep me updated on what happens.

Good luck!

SassyScribe

Dear Sassy,
I have been reading your blogs and you look like you know what you are talking about. My problem is this, I don't want to sound prejudice or come off bitter, but I am get really angry whenever I see a black man with a woman outside of his race. I am easy to look at, I have a great job, I am educated, and I am independent. I am not like the other women who say there are no good black men because deep in my heart I believe that there are. But the more I look around the more I see black men dating and marrying white women. How does a thirtysomething female with all of that going on get a black man when the ones that I meet in my profession almost always want white women?

Frustrated and Angry


Dear Frustrated & Angry,

First, thanks for the compliment and the confidence...NOW

Girl you need to let that anger --GO! Its not doing you any good to stress over a situation that you can do nothing about. I know that there are a high number of black men married/dating/involved with women of other races...not just white. I also know how you feel, because I used to feel the same anger and frustration that you feel. You tend to want to turn inwards and ask "What's wrong with me?", and the answer to that question is---nothing! Instead focus on YOU! Take some time out for you and reflect on your wants, needs, and desires. What is negotiable to you when it comes to a man and relationships.

Secondly you must try to understand why you are angry and where is the anger coming from. Is it because you are thirthysomething? Is your biological clock ticking? You left alot of information unsaid, such as your profession...but regardless of that fact, there are still alot, and I mean SMORGASBOARD of black men in this world that love, cherish, honor, revel, uplift, desire, lust, want, and need black women like you in their lives. Hold on to the belief that God will place the right person in your life, in his time, and not yours.

Here are a couple of tips that I found helped when dating:
Join a Singles Group - i.e. Minglecity.com,
Join an Online Dating site - i.e. Yahoo Personals, BlackPeopleMeet
Explore various cultural events - Jazz Festivals, Heritage Festivals, Wine/Beer Festivals
Attend Openings of Local and National Talent - i.e. Authors/Poets, Artist, Museum/Gallery openings

Open your mind . I know that it can get frustrating in the dating realm, however, do not get discouraged. You need to open yourself up to different avenues and/or venues for meeting men. If you see most of the men in your profession are taken, then look outside of that box [i.e. your world] and find other men. As a single woman, this is a great opportunity to meet likeminded individuals. Trust me, as a single, thirthysomething sista, I know that there are men out there! Good, solid, caring, dependable, men that would love to meet a woman such as yourself. Don't loose hope, and I wish you alot of luck!

SassyScribe