Here is an email that I received a couple of days ago...
Dear SassyScribe
I’m a big fan of your blogs. You seem to have a lot of insight on relationships. So I want to ask you for your advice.
I have a guy friend that I really like. I spend most of my days wondering what it is I can do to make his day better. I don’t think wants me the way I want him. I like him a hole lot. We dated for a while, then we stopped seeing each other suddenly. When we met again, I realized I still felt the same way about him. I don’t know if its love, but I do know that I like him. My problem is I always ask him out and he never asks me. Does that mean he doesn’t like me? He also says he ain’t looking for a relationship, but he calls me a lot. I don’t know what to do or say. I can’t sleep at night because I am trying to figure out what I did wrong. Please help me.
Sleepless in Ocala
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Dear Sleepless,
Wow! I used to be in a similar situation myself. It sounds like that this man is just a friend and that is all he seems to want to be to you. I know it hurts, but you need to move on. You have made this man a priority in your life, while at this time you are just an option to him…if that. From what you write, I don’t think he even sees you in that way, so I suggest you move on. DO YOU! A small phrase, with a powerful meaning…you are worrying too much about a man that isn’t worth it. Like I said, I too have been where you are. Stop chasing this man. If he wants to be with you he will. If he doesn’t he won’t but nothing you do or say is going to change his mind. There is no relationship, nor a commitment, so your just friends. Take my advice; don’t loose anymore sleep over a man that isn’t loosing any over you. When he calls, stop answering his phone calls…don’t be so available. If you're feelings weren't involved, then you could possibly have a very enriching, enlightening and/or fulfilling friendship. However, from what you write, your feelings are involved...too involved to be objective. You would not be able to handle seeing him with other women. There are plenty of men out there. Take some time to reflect on your life and what it is you truly want, before you even attempt to allow another person in.
Keep me posted on your progress...keep your head up! Good luck!
SassyScribe
I have thought about it...I am going to post a weekly question to the blog...and I hope folks will answer (((crossing my fingers in hope)))....
This was bought on by the last email I received from a woman calling me a hater...and I it made me do some self reflection.
My history/background with men was mired in a lack of enlightenment...like the writer of the letter, she too is still not there yet and aware of herself as a woman, as a person. Before anyone can love us, truly love and accept us, we must first learn to love and accept ourselves. It took me half of my life to know, love, and learn ME! So if that makes me look/appear as a hater, then I am sorry...I just want women to wake up to life and self. Know that whatever happens to you, is your fault...not his/hers, but yours...take accountability for your actions and be responsible for your behavior.
So here is the Question....
Do women over 30 feel pressured to be in a committed relationship, thus letting go of some of the requirements she would like from a man?
Dear SassyScribe
I just started reading your blog and I want to know do you like women? You hate on us alot. It makes me wonder if you even like women, maybe even a little in love with women so much so that you hate on them.
You write about different things all the time, but mostly about how women can stop doing something. Do you have a man? Do you even want a man? Maybe if you spent as much time writing about what it is women can do for/to men then maybe your hatin ass would have a man.
Stop Hatin in Albany
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Dear Stop Hatin'...
My goal with this blog and all of my blogs/writing is to hold women accountable for their actions when it comes to the opposite sex. For that matter, I wish to instill in them an awareness of self that supercedes how they allow a man or others (regardless of gender) to treat them.
I love my gender, and I absolutely L O V E being a woman, but I know that we as a gender tend to fall short and in the end we want to blame it on a man or men. When in fact, we need to look at the woman in the mirror for our problems/woes and no one else...SO if that means women need to be accountable for their actions, then yes I am a hater...no I don't have a man, and you want to know why, because I am not allowing alot of the bullshyt I have in the past.
As for being in love with women or wanting women...well if you knew ME, then you would know the answer to that question...
I hope this helps...
SassyScribe
Hi Ms. Sassy,
I am a 22yo college student and I have a problem. I am attracted to women. I love the way they look and I am curious to find out how it feels. I have several friends that have experimented with other women, kissing and all, but they say they ain't gay. I don't want to be gay. I like boys and girls, what do I do? Can I be with women and men without being labeled as gay?
Confused in Tuscaloosa
Dear Confused....
It is my belief that people should do what makes them happy. If you are that interested in wanting to be with (nee sleep with) a woman or women then go for it. It makes you at this point bi-curious, however, the term for wanting both men and women is bi-sexuality, which is more accepted in females than in males. What man doesn't want his woman to be bi sexual, it gives him the best of both worlds.
So long as there are two consenting adults I don't see the problem in it. The question is, "Are you ready for the consequences of your actions?" Meaning, it sounds more to me like your worried about what family and friends are going to think. See that is what you didn't say in the letter, its what I see...
Hope this helps.
SassyScribe
Dear Sassyscribe,
My husband wants me to have sex with a woman. He said that by doing so, I would not only show him how much I love him, but it would also fulfill his fantasy. We have been married for three years, and I truly love him, but I am not comfortable with another person in our bedroom and I don't want to touch another woman. What should I do? Am I being selfish by not wanting to make my man happy or is he the selfish one?
Undecided in Memphis
Dear Undecided...
I think your husband is incredibly selfish by using this "jedi mind trick" on you. I would like to know if the two of you have even discussed your likes, wants, desires, and needs in the bedroom? Is this the first time he has brought this subject up? If not, then their is a definate need for a discussion. On the flip side, I am all for fulfilling and acting out fantasies so long as the partner is comfortable with whatever that may entail. If both aren't comfortable, how can you both enjoy this rich experience together.
My advice, talk to your husband, tell him how you are feeling and move forward from there. Don't do anything that you are uncomfortable with or that you may live to regret! Ask yourself this..."Can I look myself in the mirror with no regrets and damn the consequences/repercussions?" If the answer is no, then I strongly urge you...NOT TO DO IT!
SassyScribe
Do you know what dating means?
This question continues to come up. I have answered it repeatedly, yet and still, it remains a mystery to some.
Dating definition: a series of events in which two consenting adults interact; meeting a person for lunch, dinner, or drinks; going dancing or to the movies;
It does not mean you are in a relationship...regardless of how many times that man or woman calls you, regardless of how many times you may or may not see that person in a given, week, month, or year...it is not a relationship.
What does dating mean to you?
SassyScribe